(Eerie music plays)
Man lives in the sunlit world
of what he believes to be reality.
But, there is, unseen by most, an underworld.
A place that is just as real,
but not as brightly lit.
A darkside.
(Telephone rings)
(Telephone continues ringing)
Oh, damn!
Where am I?
Oh, alright.
Ow! Ow.
Hello? (Telephone continues ringing)
Geez, thin walls.
So why didn't Lucy tell me her apartment had thin walls?
"Never take a $600 apartment with thin walls,"
my grandmother always used to say.
That woman was full of good advice.
I should have listened to her.
Will you answer the phone in there?
(phone continues ringing)
Jet lag and thin walls.
Great combination.
And only $600 a month plus airfare.
What more could a commercial actress
with a 9:00 audition ask for?
(screaming)
(phone stops ringing)
Thank you.
(phone ringing)
Oh, no.
5:00.
I'm obviously living next door to vampires.
Sleep all day and talk to their friends in Transylvania
all night long on the telephone.
(sighs)
It's 2:00 a.m. in Los Angeles.
In Los Angeles, I probably haven't even gone to bed yet.
In Los Angeles, they have smog,
mass murderers, mudslides.
But they build their walls thick out there.
I have to say that for them.
(phone stops ringing)
(sighs)
(thumping)
(gasps)
Great.
The vampires are obviously trying
to break through the wall,
(phone ringing) the very thin wall of my $600 sublet.
A party.
They must be having a party.
No.
Then, somebody would answer the phone.
Well, evidently, something has got to be done.
(phone continues ringing)
Hey!
Insomniacs in 12F,
people are trying to sleep around here.
(phone rings, then stops)
Thanks.
Chalk one up to the good guys.
(sighs)
Joan Matlin, you will fall back to sleep
and wake up in the morning fresh.
You will forget all the bumps
and ringing that happened in the night.
You will, you will, you will!
(thumping)
(gasps)
This young woman looks incredibly talented.
I think we'll use her.
Oh, you say she played the third bride
in Dracula's Harem?
Sure, I remember that.
She was fabulous-- hire her. (phone ringing loudly)
Oh, terrific.
The telephone in the next apartment evidently
has a volume control which has just been turned up.
(phone continues ringing)
Hello?
Oh, hello, Lucy.
Oh, great, fine, fabulous.
I've discovered the way to deal with jet lag
is just not to get any sleep at all,
which is very easy in your apartment,
considering your neighbors.
The ones who put the telephone right up against the wall
so that when it rings, the bell feels
as if it's been implanted in my brain.
The ones who have friends who call at 3:00 a.m.
and let it ring 67 times
just to make absolutely certain there's nobody there.
The ones who every now and then throw something heavy
up against the wall to reassure me they're alive.
Those neighbors.
Now, listen Lucy, you know how I feel about noise...
Well, I don't care if there was nobody there two days ago.
There's someone there now.
And if that telephone goes on ringing,
I'm going to ask you for a rebate.
Actresses with dark circles under their eyes
have a very low employment rate.
There have been studies.
Good idea.
Give me the super's number.
If it keeps up, I'll complain.
Well, I'm complaining now.
No... the audition did not go well.
At 9:00 a.m., I looked as if I'd gotten 32 minutes
of sleep in the last calendar year.
You see, they were looking for a limey with comic timing.
They were not looking for a limey
who could play a zombie with no makeup.
So, no, I didn't get the job.
And you know who I blame?
I blame that...
Right.
I love you, too.
Um, I'm sorry, but I had to complain to someone, okay?
Oh, no, everything else is fine.
I love your apartment.
No... it stopped.
Yeah... bye.
(phone ringing)
Once more.
Just try it once more.
(phone ringing)
Hello, is this Mr. Rodriguez?
Mr. Rodriguez, this is Joan Matlin.
I am subletting 12E from Lucy...
Yes, of course you know Lucy.
Well, Mr. Rodriguez, I'm having some problems
with the people in 12F.
(phone stops ringing)
(sighs)
Yes, well, there may not be any people in 12F,
but there is a tele...
Hey, there must be somebody there, because last night,
somebody kept throwing something against the wall and...
I wish you'd...
(phone ringing)
See?
Hear that? (phone stops ringing)
(grunts in frustration)
Yes, Mr. Rodriguez, yes.
I'll try that.
No, I believe you.
There's nobody in that apartment.
Was there ever anybody in that apartment?
(chuckles)
Right, an English girl.
Well, did this English girl have a telephone, do you know?
Did she have English friends who telephoned her repeatedly
all day long and all night long?
You wouldn't know.
I understand.
So, how long ago was it
that this English girl moved out?
I see.
Pills?
Or a razor?
Ah.
I see.
Well, of course I'm... I'm very sorry that she's dead,
but I wish somebody would tell her friends
so that they would stop calling her.
Thank you, Mr. Rodriguez.
I realize I'm only a lowly sublet,
and I'll try to deal with this unfortunate situation myself.
(grunts)
How do you strangle yourself to death?
I guess there's no accounting for English girls.
Well.
Ooh, yum, yum.
I just love cold mashed potato.
And I dote on congealed gravy.
(thumping)
(phone ringing)
That's it.
No more.
Time for violence.
(phone continues ringing)
Good evening, sir or madam.
Unplug your telephone or die.
(loud banging)
(phone ringing)
Lucy said it was empty.
Mr. Rodriguez said it was empty, and he must know.
Therefore, there's nobody in there.
Therefore, it doesn't matter if I go inside or not.
(phone continues ringing)
My two years as an apprentice housebreaker
are about to pay off.
(phone continues ringing)
A few seconds ago,
that door was locked.
It really looks as if they were trying to break through.
Right where my bed is.
(panting)
Who was trying to break through?
(panting)
(sniffles)
All right, now,
if there's anybody hiding in that bathroom,
I'd like you to come out.
Am I really going to go over
and open up that bathroom door?
Am I really that stupid?
I am that stupid.
I can't believe I'm actually doing this.
(door creaking)
Oh.
Now, where the hell is that damn telephone?
(gasps)
Obviously, the wind blew it closed.
Wind blowing through closed windows?
(sighs)
Aha!
Hiding from me.
I knew it.
Hello. Hello.
This is Joan Matlin, the occupant of 12E speaking.
I should like to inform all interested parties
that the occupant of 12F is dead.
She strangled herself,
and she is no longer accepting calls.
WOMAN: Operator.
May I help you?
May I help you, please? Hello?
Yes, you can help me.
I should like to have this telephone disconnected.
Please call the business office tomorrow anytime after 8:00 a.m.
What exchange are you?
What?
What number are you calling from?
Then I'll be able to tell you which branch office
you should call to have your telephone disconnected.
Well, I-I don't know the number.
It isn't on the telephone.
You don't know your own telephone number?
It isn't my telephone.
If it's not your telephone, then you can't order it disconnected.
Look, it's a telephone in an empty apartment,
and it rings all day long and all night long,
and it's about to drive me crazy!
We cannot disconnect a telephone
except at the request of the person.
She's dead.
How did she die?
She committed suicide.
Probably because she was trying to deal with the phone company.
Look, what number am I calling from?
You should be able...
Pills... or a razor?
Or did she strangle herself
with the telephone cord?
Who do I know in the city?
I must know somebody in New York.
Beth.
Beth used to be my best friend
until I stopped calling her.
Beth's number.
What's Beth's number?
Right!
11-68.
(line ringing)
Please let Beth be in.
WOMAN: Hello. Beth?
Beth can't come to the telephone, Joan.
Who is this?
Beth had an accident.
How do you know my name?
What kind of accident?
It wasn't a pill.
It wasn't a razor.
You-You... You're the operator.
I just spoke to you.
She strangled herself.
(gasps)
411.
What could be plainer?
(line ringing)
WOMAN: Directory assistance?
Oh!
May I help you?
You get around, don't you?
May I help you?
Yes.
I'd like the number
for the Office of Emergency Telephone Disconnections.
I'm sorry. I don't have any listing for...
Then get me the number for the police!
Canine Operations?
Of course not!
Equine Division?
Anti-terrorist Tactical Force?
FBI liaison? Recovered Property?
(groans)
(panting)
Oh.
(loud thud)
(gasps)
(phone ringing, thud)
What the hell am I doing?
(thud)
Do I really want to know what's going on in there?
(sporadic thudding continues)
Is all this really worth my sanity?
I could have spent these three months
doing summer stock in Salt Lake City.
Lucy said the Mormons treat actors like royalty.
(loud thud, Joan gasps)
What common household object
could I use to beat someone to death with?
(whimpers)
Beat some thing to death with.
(thudding) Ha!
(loud thud, Joan gasps)
(phone ringing)
I'll use my bare hands.
(knocking from inside)
(whimpers)
(phone continues ringing)
Don't be open.
Don't be unlocked.
Door, don't open.
Please, don't open.
(gasps)
Huh.
I knew it would open.
Just as it was when I left it.
Good. Good.
(gasps)
This wasn't here before.
(squeaking)
(gasps)
(squeaking, gasps)
(gasps)
(phone ringing) Oh!
Oh.
Aah!
(phone ringing)
(sighs)
That's it. No more.
Pick up my toys and go home.
(sighs)
(busy signal) Be open.
Please open.
Come on.
(busy signal)
(phone ringing)
(busy signal and phone ringing, Joan gasps)
(whimpering)
(groaning)
(phone ringing and busy signal)
(choking)
(groaning)
(rapid ringing and busy signal)
(grunts and choking)
(phone bell dinging)
(ringing)
(two phones ringing)
(ringing continues)
NARRATOR: The dark side is always there.
Waiting for us to enter.
Waiting to enter us.
Until next time, try to enjoy the daylight.